Friday, April 10, 2009
it's been awhile since i blogged in a coherent, coherent and explanatory fashion, probably because I felt it was sufficient to let poems and wandering soliloquies do the bantering instead.
it's been an hour over and none of them are here to join me in the pursuit of academic excellence, i guess its my turn now to experience what's sweet solitude in the HSS Lounge. or what's left of that perceived solace, if it was there in the first place, because toilet bowls are made to be flushed unless used by an ill-mannered individual.
exams are round the corner but it doesn't seem to affect me in anyway, not that it did the past 10+ years of my life anyway. but i guess deep inside me i know I'm expecting more to this life then just grades, or familial happiness or money's worth. somehow or rather everyday just presents itself as another normal day to me; is this equanimity or emotional indifference ? i cant tell the difference nowadays, as much as it aches for some semblance of gratification.
anyway it must be my incessant late comings that has brought this solitary 'retribution' of sorts, i was one to always believe in the laws of balance and cycles, but don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian in every right, although i despise the corporate and the commercial means of promotion nowadays. Whoever said being overtly charismatic was a virtue ? Speaking of charismatism, when emotion is spewed from an honest response i feel it is wholly acceptable, but if affection is lent at the expense of hollowing yourself, even if it's based on familiarity and past memories, why waste it ? why stare at the sun? unfortunately, these decisions aren't made entirely by us, but rather by the external factors that make us. it makes us more vulnerable and porous in every, and i mean every aspect... but i guess it's a vulnerability we all choose to accept because that's just what defines us: being a fucking human.
it's been an hour over and none of them are here to join me in the pursuit of academic excellence, i guess its my turn now to experience what's sweet solitude in the HSS Lounge. or what's left of that perceived solace, if it was there in the first place, because toilet bowls are made to be flushed unless used by an ill-mannered individual.
exams are round the corner but it doesn't seem to affect me in anyway, not that it did the past 10+ years of my life anyway. but i guess deep inside me i know I'm expecting more to this life then just grades, or familial happiness or money's worth. somehow or rather everyday just presents itself as another normal day to me; is this equanimity or emotional indifference ? i cant tell the difference nowadays, as much as it aches for some semblance of gratification.
anyway it must be my incessant late comings that has brought this solitary 'retribution' of sorts, i was one to always believe in the laws of balance and cycles, but don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian in every right, although i despise the corporate and the commercial means of promotion nowadays. Whoever said being overtly charismatic was a virtue ? Speaking of charismatism, when emotion is spewed from an honest response i feel it is wholly acceptable, but if affection is lent at the expense of hollowing yourself, even if it's based on familiarity and past memories, why waste it ? why stare at the sun? unfortunately, these decisions aren't made entirely by us, but rather by the external factors that make us. it makes us more vulnerable and porous in every, and i mean every aspect... but i guess it's a vulnerability we all choose to accept because that's just what defines us: being a fucking human.
