Friday, July 30, 2004
great day? bad day ? good day.
tiring though.. soccer mania fever today.. from 1030 to 130..
fun fun.. with no stupid other ppl joining us..
played like shit today though... haha.. must improve!!
now im a red lobster.. really red.. cos my skin didnt greet the after noon sun for quite some time.. yup.. who cares anyway.. xD
lessons really slack.. but im tired..
sorry guys.. short entry today..but theres going to be a highlight event coming up tmr!
no its not the stupid plain english ushering thing..
we're going to make class jersey!! haha!
Thursday, July 29, 2004
my eyes are desperately trying to pry away the tiredness i feel... oh how exhausted ~
finally got my com back on track.. i promise i'll be updating my interesting oh so interesting blog daily.. unless the unfortunate and irritating pw sets itself on my wary presence.. if so i'll try updating asap.. ok ? ^^
today.. was not bad actually.. low stress level working conditions are extremely conducive to productivity.. felt as though i have some knowlege getting into my head finally.. woo~ also.. finally told my parents my horrendous results.. its a great thing they didnt shoot me. or faint.
the student council is crap. they really are lousy in answering questions...
SAJC peeps came over.. didnt know what they were selling though.. i bet they think our canteen sucks.
well it does..
its clear they dont have much support after todays Q&A sesson.. we non related answers like''oh its mother nature'' ya sure. i hope she strikes u down with lightning someday. and how does having a soccer cca equal to a triple F grade?
what happened in the past. may not happen..
myopic views of a completely ignorant and inadequate student council.
but hey.. look on the bright side.. at least we didnt know who we were forced to vote for right? i mean that really is.. i mean was.. such a marvellous flawless system.
extreme sarcasm aside..
mass pe was really fun.
had a leisurely jog.. slowly paced jog around the muddy roads of the canal.. quite good actually..
a change in environment is much appreciated! 3.2 km outside is far better than 800X4inside plus the additional set of static exercises after every round.. had a stitch half way.. so ran 20 mins.. bah.. if not.. i tink slightly better la.. but im very fat.. so 20 mins is a good achievement! ya i noe.. u all are machines.. =P
played soccer.. played with this fat ass j2 indian fella.. really pissed us off.. scolded and threatened us.. (exact speech unclear.. something silly like ur father ur mother blood come out) its just a game! yet.. primal instincts take over on impulse..
well.. really tired..
i cant wait to enjoy tmrs 3.5 hrs break! im deprived of breaks..
unable to spew out anymore nonsense already..
i have a flight to catch.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
damn it la.. my com has major prob.. cant load the damn windows.. guess this will be the last entry i would be entering for a long time..
using my sisters com.. really sucky.. not used to it.. although this was the com that i used to use everytime. haha~
long day.. my brain feels dry.. and some stress has lifted away from my forehead..
but it will come back.. harder..
i cant think of anything else.. as if my week has been good anyway.. its been bad luck after bad happenings after bad shit
ya shit.
Monday, July 26, 2004
finally managing to write an entry today.. have been busy.. oh so so busy with pw and shit.. compiling everything up and gathering everyones research.. well i do hope it would pay off .. im sure i did put in alot of effort this time.. MOE better be grateful i actually bothered to choose the most tightest days to do my project..
have been going jurong library for 2 days in a row.. sat and sunday.. friday was online looking for internet articles.. phew
but i dunno whether i should feel relieved that my group has passed up the file
the kind of feeling now equals the anxiety and stress i felt before submitting it in to sas
but sas did manage to talk to me awhile.. he did mention our files were of high quality .. of course la! looking at the other groups in our school.. i can see that they really didnt bother about pw very much. their file thickness to ours would be like comparing a lorry with a pickup..
ive been feeling down lately this past few days.. im sure why.
sure.
such primal feelings are generally inevitable..
the human is engineered to interact with such irritating emotions
we cant escape the fact that we are made what we are and how the people around us react.
maybe i was wrong in saying never giving up..
sometimes when you are in ur own shoes u can give all the moral encouragement in the whole big fat milky way
but when ur in the troubled dirtied shoes.
u see things differently
why bother even trying when u noe u are already on the floor...
im afraid of past reoccurences..
im afraid of spies.
im afraid of my own bewildered imagaination.. meeting up failing expectations..
im so very happy.. but thats okay.. because so are u.
happiness started out nice. but joy needs the paint of depression..
im afraid of losing you away like i once did..
my articulation my courage my pillars shattered... what if it happens again? what if it happens again?
Friday, July 23, 2004
actually thought today wasnt so bad after all.. stephanie chuas lesson passed by quickly enough. which is good. and next week shes not going to be here! 3.5 hrs break coming right up ^^
hopefully everyone in my pw group is doing fine right now. and doing their work. they better.... if not! -.-;; tmrs going to be the most frantic and chaotic and busy and crazy crazy day.. haf to sort out pw stuff for the submission of our group files.. i do hope everything will just fall into place and sort it self. ha. who am i kidding..
and .. i noticed silence..
silence can be deafening.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
whew wat a day.. nv did so many things.. cant really type much about today..
sleepy. my head cant really recall the precious events that happily happened today~
deadlines and more deadlines. pw. school really is trying to test my limits ..
bah..
you look nice today. ^^
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
too tired. long long day today.. played basketball today if thats any consolation.. had this workshop thingy by a comdey group.. i thought they were quite good actually! the fact remains that they are extremely witty and staged a ''perfomance'' with no scripts at all.. the performance was highly interactive actually.. so it was fun i guess.. before that watched a seemingly shallow yet profound black and white film(those old old kinds) for gp.. really really interesting.. all that stuff that went on today was a big break i guess.. but its back to more hustle and bustle..
the menace of pw really stands out more than ever today..
more shit to do.
being the leader is really sucky man.. u cant slack and everyone expects u to do most of the work.. u are the leader after all rite ?
or maybe im just being paranoid and insensitive..
got mass pe tmr! hopefully that will cheer me up! oh yes! the thought really cheers me ! makes me shine with exuberence!
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
big long boring day. tiring day. so many things to do, so little time.. and its PW again! crawling back to my doorstep like a pain in the ass.. yes.. its back.. and it wont even go away after the promos.. GAH! have to do more research... and haf to get started on my surveys and interviews! argh..
but at least our class has the loving support of mr sas. yup~
he never fails to put the facts bluntly straight in the face.. as they say.. the truth hurts.. and its true.. our class is very lazy indeed... well at least i acknowledge im lazy.. i have been trying to neglect pw for quite some time.. but looks whos fooling who now..-.-
my assignments need to be done.. sigh..
and just realised.. i havent figured out what to wear tmr for smart casual day..
wait. its long boring day.
ya.
7pm.
__
Monday, July 19, 2004
So I look in your direction,But you pay me no attention, do you.I know you don't listen to me.'cause you say you see straight through me, don't you.
And it's you I see, but you don't see me.And it's you I hear, so loud and clear.I sing it loud and clear.And I'll always be waiting for you....So I look in your direction,But you pay me no attention,And you know how much I need you,But you never even seen me.
writing on an empty stomach.. yup.. haven had my dinner yet.. in fact i just got home frm skool aft playin bball.. played with the bball team for a brief moment.. realised some arent so high and mighty as they should be.. but they are given the right oppourtunities.. i envy them..
today im feeling really down and regressed. no matter how i train.. in whatever area i want to be good at.. i seem to fall.. i can never be as good as i dream to be~
aspirations. dreams. we all want them dont we. well i dont want them anymore...
the thought sickens me.. to be bold and climb the mountain.. only to slip and dive down in the great bleakness.. when will i be given that golden opportunity to acheive my dream ? i dont know.. i really dont know.. and im afraid to find out for fear that the truth bears disastrous consequences.. ya im a coward..
ive never failed to fail.. my golden years are over i guess..
sorrow is the child of too much joy
but then again.. happiness would lose its meaning without depression..
-.-
Sunday, July 18, 2004
once again im back with another entry.. went to church... went to cine with my family and went for some mini shopping~ bought new bball shoes! ahaha.. greatest accomplishment ever today..
noticed alot of ppl today dressed up really differently today .. some with very weird dress sense that makes them look like a pregnant watermelon.. some relly poserish(u can tell they are young teens playing dress up) and some really scantily..0_O
ya.. it just came to me that the fact is orchard road is a damn fashion parade..
everyones dressing up to what they think is stylish.. trying to better one another.. when they walk pass another person.. u can see the eyes going *up down up down* what a joke.. some even dress deliberately stupidly to make heads turn.. my.. how insecure they are.. so much so they need the attention to keep them sane.. well thats how life is when u go dere.. well.. dats how some ppl react anyway..
hopefully tmr will be a better day.. ^^
Saturday, July 17, 2004
hello again. the warmth of the computer compels me to once again give in to my urge to report faithfully to the small universe i live in. nothing eventful today.(unless you count the 4 hrs i played basketball today as material) boring ? far from it. i would refer to it as exciting, exburant.
our lives revolve round so many frantic and chaotic shit we rarely have time to actually sit down and stone fruitfully.. to refect. to dream. to make goals. to wonder those wonderful ''what if'' thoughts.... all the things to make u drive towards a certain perfection. to move towards that seductive light of acheivement.....
however from my experience, all these goals have been nothing..no acheivements to be proud of..nothing but experience... i guess im not pragmatic enough...! well.. unlike all you over achievers in this world.. i've learned to settle for much less than what i haf.. bcos...................
"the nearer we move into the light, the longer our shadow of defeat becomes"
u know what it suggests.
what crap. HAHAHAHA!
oh boy.. today was kinda okay i guess.. lost most matches me richmond chin xiang and jody managed to play.. unless i count the one with the noobs .. that was fun.. besides that i pretty much fiddled around foolishly with my guitar at home today.. wanted to play pool with alwyn they all.. but they cancelled last minute.. so ya.. ive been a filial child today by doing my homework *for once* and staying at home for more than 12 hours ^^
Friday, July 16, 2004
hm another one of those tiring days when u just dont feel like studying and slogging ur brains out trying to figure out new concepts and shit. anyway i feel that todays quite an okay day, apart from the foreboding lesson of stefanie chua... i really dont like her style of teaching. besides that.. my whole nody's aching terribily.. what a feeling.. to feel completely drained out and moving by your will alone.. haha!
ive finally gained the rights to breathe again this weekend.. and im really going to enjoy this shortterm rest man.. my guess is that the workloads going to intensify even more nxt week.. with all the stupid implementations of group work and stuff.. really really tedious..
did manage to haf a tiny bit of fun today though.. went to westmall with the guys for a nice dinner and crapping session.. basically i think we've really bonded really well and learned to accept each anothers short comings as well as positive attributes.. haha~ we managed to make a syncronised drum beat pattern today during our 1.5 hrs break and boy was it fun! i was in charge of the bass and rhythm,ah bao was the lead,henry was the lead but was playing the higher notes whilst the rest of the guys played various roles like incoporating other noises like whistling or just making the entire sound amplified. u may be thinking we're playing with instruments and stuff.. nah.. just tables and chairs.. =) we are masters of making music with everyday objects.. anyway during dinner we came across the idea of forming a band.. but that may be just a long shot.. my guitar skills are really crappy.. guess i'll haf to train from tmr onwards..
really tired.. im going to start rhetorically spewing intellectual jargon from tmr onwards to keep the perfectly educated people that read my so so so interesting blog interested in coming back.. because my blog isnt filled with angst,hate,depression or any of those ''downtime'' feelings i think.. and people tend to get attracted to the bleaker side of the human.. wtf im talking rubbish again.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
one heck of a tiring day. after mass p.e, played soccer from 4-530. den played bball from 530 to 645. wonder where all that energy came from. heh. it was fun while it lasted though =) i havent played so much sports since my secondary skools days (for obvious restricting JC reasons). sas didnt screw us after all... he sudden change to behavioural patterns is highly disturbing. it leads me to think that he either has changed siginificantly during the holidays or either that he has selevtive amnesia.. how interesting.
did this funny disc personality analysis thingy today.. and im catergorised as an advisior.. not bad eh? haha~ i enjoyed that session alot, apart from the tall teacher crapping on the mic that seems to have smoked some marijuana earlier this morning.
so much pw things to do today. written report, group files.. bah.. when will it end..!? sickens me to think about pw, its such a chore that no one ever wishes to do. yea. no much coming out on my entry today as im tired stiff and my eyes are nearly closed *imagine a guy typing in front of the computer with his eyes slightly open like a tiny slit* i know it looks ridiculously funny if u see the way im typing this now. but the fact is that im still moving my fingers rapidly to produce a dull tick tack sound and filling this space with big black words of nonsense would mean that im still alive or either that im moving by pure will alone.. ah how mighty ones will can be in crapping! i can believe im still writing this things down rite now.. wat irony. =P
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
today's such a crazy day.. all the guys got caught playing soccer outside the class.by some lousy teacher that doesnt believing in nurturing the students in the rite way. i mean everyones entitled to a second chance rite? my guess : shes a math teacher with no life except sleeping with her calculator and gripping her curve ruler. but hey, we are the guys from a06. trouble is our middle name. bah. what luck~ of all the countless times we played in the parade square.played in the canteen.... we didnt get caught ! the wrath of sas awaits us tmr.. hopefully the strategic move of apologising and being honest quickly would work.. if not my guess is that the old sas would be back for good after this.. he likes to blow simple things up into serious issues.. i dont want to get screwed.
for all u non pjc peeps reading my oh so interesting blog sas is the not a wrong spelling for sars. and no its no hasan sas. its my anal form teacher that wears tight fitting clothes and seems to know many many things about perversely alternative lifestyles.. he stands on his hip and does many many gayish things .. which always leads me to question his gender preference.. oh boy. did ur heart skip a beat?
and i hate project work. it always give me the feeling of magnificant foreboding.. the horror. aaah. so troublesome so tedious. i cant get my survey form to be aligned properly! my group proposal form has bare minimal research. how frustrating. i believe ive learnt some really great things from PW ya. how useless all the crap im doing is going to be.
threw econs out of the window today. i got a cool 25%. bah. if theres any consolation it would be the 12 i got for TGOST~ but what difference does it make.. haha! ive got AO passes mom! isnt that great. oh boy. i must work harder!!!
anyway, ive read many many ppls blogs.. noticed very extreme states of mind inside their writings.. depression. anger. loneliness. there are a few of which are just emotionless accounts of day to day life.. or some filled with the joy of articulation. i find depression anger and loneliness really healthy actually.. it facilitates happiness. i mean, one has to experience these negative feelings to truly feel pure joy, or at least understand how it feels to experience joy? on our journey to rediscover our joy however we often fall down and dont pick ourselves up in fear of once again experiencing our negative feelings. dats when suicidal thoughts take place. 'end it all' 'why continue on?' one word for all u people thinking of suicide : coward! take back ur spinal cord and face ur problems. believe me. i once went thru such turbulence. i once felt that way. i pulled myself thru ...myself. look where i am today~
so much for my deep theoretical jargon. HAHA! i bet i didnt make sense at all. *grin*
here goes. im back on the computer writing to myself again on my very very attractive blog. tiring day today ~ ive never absorbed so much in one day. esp. during the frantic shouting of the econs teacher with a screwed up face.. ive never heard a voice so shrill that it could shatter glass! as she kept going on about our essays i almost noted that she desperately gasped for air after every fragmented sentence she managed to spew out of her mouth.. i wouldnt have been surprised if she suddenly had heart trauma HAHA........... and to my horrific delight i found out dat i could score double digits for phy geog even if i didnt study ! it must haf been some sort of divine intervention that pulled me thru man.. but i know i shld study.. dun wanna retain~ and steph chua can teach! wat an amazing thing.
never give up~ even if u fail all ur tests. yup. minimum effort/maximum results!
anyway ive got some ideas on my theory but i think i should hit nirvana first before sharing my nonsense.. hehehe
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
wow. my first entry ever ever. ive been reading many many ppls blogs i tink its about time i got started ~
really short day today in school.. breezed through the lessons like a butterfly on crack..pretty much slept thru geog lecture and econs la really very very boring esp. when in geog davis that drunkerd starts blabbering geog jargon on and on and on ( and on and on) AND mr.yim had to remind us about our not so loose schedule argh ~ so little time so many things to do !! esp. PW -___- the governments too bent on modelling the ideal student that 'thinks out of the box' . ya. as if. but life is life. played soccer today wif my class hommies in front of the canteen (not before many unknown ppl joined us) and later on went to freestyle and1 moves with ben.. haha ! i love freestyling wit the bball ..
anyways i have this theory i always thought about ~ i may be mad but i think some ppl derive joy and glee out of the sorrow and depression they face.. more on shawns theory soon~ heheheh =P
