Monday, May 28, 2007
what a month.
the beginning of the month my grandmom passed away. im glad my family has more or less overcomed their grief but it'll take much more than just time to fill in that empty void now.
i must admit i didnt really talk much to you at times but im sure when i did talk to you i would try my best to make you smile or laugh. you'll always be remembered as the strongest, most resilient and patient person i've ever known. rest in peace.
the following weekend to my horror, disappointment and disbelief my beloved bmt platoon mate passed away when a taiwanese plane crashed into an saf camp in taiwan. the saf is responsible for your death. and according to my encek they dnt pay much. no matter money cant push the grief away. my heart goes out to you isz, im sorry to have ridiculed occasionally you last time, you'll still remain a bright spark in my bmt life. you were inspirational in your tenacious and determined work etiquette when it came down to anything, from the washing of clothes to cleaning your rifle or organising something. rest in peace.
the week when i came back to camp as expected there was a shitload of work piled up on my desk. my annual stocktake for my store is coming and if it had not been my completely random check on the computer system, i wouldnt have realise the amount of cockups there are in it, with many errors dating back to the year 2005. thanks previous soldiers for making my life so sweet. thanks to my 2ic did i manage to clear lots of garbage. only can hope the stocktake goes smooth.
den my battalion had an exercise on the nxt week, resulting in me burning away my entire weekend. was supposed to go out with my jc mates and catch the FA cup final. so yeah stuck in camp. it was fun but at the same time just plain time wasting. another fine example of retardedness.
on friday night i had my combat shoot and because of 3 idiots whom didnt take the shoot seriously, i missed out on the chance to be 200bucks richer. my other 2 frens (there are six in a grp, and you'll only pass/do well as a team) were dying to get the badge (which i have alrd) and the money. felt pissed. and because of cockheads i reached home arnd 130am on a friday night. cb.
and its very very disappointing to see that many friends from the past just plain ignore and see right through you like your some piece of transparent bullshit. they glance at you and while your stuck there abt to greet them they turn away and pretend they dont know you. fine you like your present friends now, just remember maybe they'll do the same to you next time.
how bout people that lead you on a path only to desert you and leave you stranded alone ? yeah this mth ive seen plenty of that, in camp and outta camp. you may say hey this is life. i humbly accept that but you could say i was pretty much trying to remain ignorant abt that painful fact. in truth ignorance isnt bliss, ignorance just makes the pain much more unbearable and unforgiving. when you think your complete think again. time and time again life exposes your weakness, inadequacies and vulnerabilities and strips you bare. granted, im not perfect but when you've tried so hard or at least gave it a shot you'll expect some recognition. or some respite at the very minimum. but no you'll just get a fucking slap on your face calling you to wake up.
sucks to see perhaps you'll never fit into that social status, that iconic group, the popular lifestyle, the eyes of that beholder.
im not usually this angsty so i gotta apologise. then again who reads my blog anymore.
something i shld have said a long time ago.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I dont know how else to put this
It's taken me so long to do this
I'm falling asleep and i cant see straight
My muscles feel like a melee
My bodys curled in a u shape
I put on my best but im still afraid
Propered up by lies with promises
Saving my place as lifes forgets
Maybe its time i saw the world
I'm only here for a while
But patiences is not my style
And im so tired that i gotta go
What am i suppose to hide now
What am i suppose to do
Did you really think i wouldnt see this through
Tell me i should stick around for you
Tell me i could have it all
I'm still tired to care and i gotta go
I get to go home in one week
But Im leaving home in three weeks
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry
im following suit and directions
i crawl up inside for protection
im told what to do and i dont know why
im over existing in limbo
im over the myths and placebos
i dont really mind if i just fade away
im ready to live with my family
im ready to die in obscurity
cause im so tired that i gotta go
what am i suppuse to want now
what am i suppose to do
you still dont think im going see this through
tell me im a part of history
tell me i can have it all
im still to tired to care and i gotta go
just some thoughts. hey do this if ur free! http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/381275 thanks. haha
Sunday, May 20, 2007
hey guys sorry for not blogging. been lazy plus busy at the same time.
finally back from my camps spastic exercise, ex silver creed. what a retarded name. anw its been a gruelling 24+hrs ? didnt sleep at all through of last night. crap. both days of the weekend burned just like that. came back to camp on saturday at 9am to do lots of misc. crap. what a load of shit SAF is. i even had to stand in as the ops parade mc when the guy whom supposed to do the job said he wasnt confident. in the end i had to put a retarded front and speak like an absolute baffoon because the script they gave me was totally incoherent, grammatically flawed, and hopeless. to think a signal storeman could have so many other job scopes related to it. i feel more like an underpaid bungla. no offence but i feel overworked and underpaid. even the 100 bucks that good ol mr lee is giving to us is just crap. i bet u in a few yrs time GST prices are gonna hike once more. so ya thanks singapore for EVERYTHING! for making NS WHEN THE ENEMY JUST HAS TO NUKE US AND ITS OVER, OR JUST NUKE THE CAUSEWAY AND WE"LL BE SO THIRSTY EVEN NEWATER WONT BE ENOUGH K.
being awake too long takes its toll on everybody, including my superiors. my csm went through the night getter weirder and more perverted and just plain crazy. he suddenly asked me some stupid things. heres the conversation. (exact word for word lol)
time - 2.40am
csm : eh clement ( he keeps calling me wrong names ) u got watch b4 this show : Hold My Gun And Call Me Ringo ? power show la dae ( he's indian thus the slang ) .
me : no la chek. what kind of cock show is that, sounds damn old and very retroretro lleh.
csm : ya da its popular show in da 70s. u noe VHS ? i watch on that. popular like now the fucking pirated dvd. uncle last time sell VHS.
me : oh ya la. tape la. so whats the show about ?
csm : porn loh power lah. i remember suddenly, all acted by da black people, angmoh black not my black. then the girl backside ( this part is censored okay sorry kids) *starts to smack his lips, rub his moustache and eyes start to glaze*
me : ... why suddenly talk about this?
csm : duno.
me : *awkward silence that penetrates through the walls of the buildings and kills all cockroaches in vicinity*
time - 3.00am
csm: eh u noe da, i think i shld work national geographic.
me : why sia.
csm: rename the country name la. name after what the people is about, better like this. people travel got basic idea of there the culture. *smurks for using culture in the correct context*
me: er okay... soo any examples?
csm: no la dae.. im saying true. america shld be rename fatty land. everyday eat chips and macs get fucking fat. occupy one sbs double decker. all eat like pig, bad for health. tsktsktsk. den pakistan should be named pukistunts. dere all prostitute la den do karma sutra alot HAHAHA.
me: .......................okay. eh chek i going to call macs delivery leh with the rest of the guys, so gotta go guardroom go collect k. cya.
csm: wait la dae help me order chips. come give u money...
WAHLAO EH WTF. mad man on the loose.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
haven't blogged for centuries i know. blame it on my laziness and probably a lack of interesting events that are taking place in my life now.
anyway my grandma passed away yesterday. it was so sudden. like they always say, death waits for nothing and takes everything away from you.
it hurts even more to know that who you love can never be yours ever. shucks. just wish u were here so i could talk to someone who listens wholeheartedly.
