Tuesday, September 28, 2004
this may very well be my last entry.
my ankle hurts
hope it heals in time for the inter house games.
but,
i find myself greatly pertubed?
my loopholes of the human mind.
i cant relate . i cant think properly
can my selective intellect save my hide?
will i be able.
such questions greatly disturbs me.
i pass through times of great pandemonium,
of frantic rushing
the quest for advancement.
i stand alone, not matter how the past hearkens
i feel stripped of emotional glory
yet, that same negatives
seem to generate warmth
of contradicting self-denial?
my days grow ever long and dry,
shaping a never ending journey of lament and disgust
blurring what ive known and tried.
into shades grey and mundane...
i can only tell you this, boys and girls..
im embarking.
on that winding road of opportunity
that tarmac of self redemption...
i cant miss this compulsive chance. ever.
and ya... this is it.
that bout i threw away my life for.
the cessation.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
-Staind , For You-
To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or it's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?
I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast!
The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions
I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast!
All your insults and your curses
makeme feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like I am nothing
butYou made me
so do something'
Cause I'm fucked up
because you are
Need attention, attention you couldn't give
I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence get us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast
I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence get us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast.
Monday, September 13, 2004
once again.. im jotting down my feelings..
cant help but feel intellectually impaled sometimes.. and
i find it quite ridiculous my mind works at random..
sometimes i find my self capable of my own brand of intellect..
sometimes i find myself stuck in me, thinking daftly..
i call this selective amnestic intellectual quota.. based on this unfortunate expreience..
its real im telling you.. to put it blatently , somedays i feel dumb, somedays i feel slightly less dumber..
well i guess this is how it goes, my irritating life..
im never good at things.. if im good, its random, coincidence, divine or pure luck.
today wasnt great either, got hammered in the morning, got whacked at home.
the serenity i once knew existed has suddenly been exiled from myself.
i find me walking around greatly troubled.
anyway i know of ppl whom find depressed people irritating. i understand. its just a phase.
when something better happens, i'll repress, no biggy.
or have i already ? =)
Sunday, September 12, 2004
here i am again, on my active blog.
sitting alone on my red arm chair , tightly enclosed within the proximities of my room.
thinking about events. accidents. incidents.
trying to put mental messages from neurons into computer processed words..
i just found out how interesting it is to imagine.
imagine yourself, being the overseer. Watching yourself do the things you go about doing.
marvels me how ridiculous i am sometimes, how accidental my intelligence comes and how terrible my train of thoughts are. sickens me.
enough bout me. lets talk about days.
yesterday bao and fik came over my place supposedly to work on our Lit gothic group essay. it never got done --> 1st. We lacked the fourth brain, henry whom has mysteriously become MIA 2nd. The playstation 2 and The Computer beckoned. 3rd. I was lazy.
well we had fun.
today, i was busy doing nothing. how great is that. my life has suddenly become idle. nothing seems to spur me on anymore, nothing seems to add colour like it did. im not sure why either.. maybe im just meant to be.
read through my past entries.. realised there was a transition of emotions. i'll gladly give a nice reward to anyone whom can reverse that transition, stop that regression.
anyways boys and girls, stay tune for more melodramatic cyber articulation some time soon!
for the time being, go grab a 45. and get violent.
Friday, September 10, 2004
there appears to be a stupid error so i can't publish stuff .
but im sure its over for now.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
ah.. the long awaited most anticipated account has finally arrived to be typed down on my non existent blog. oh well. went to testimonial match. The J2s won, but i felt the spirit of the J1s made them better winners, esp for e guys.. played like their life depended on a victory. was supposed to go bugis. but was unfortunately cancelled due to unforseen laziness. played ball today with ben, vince and ping. nv felt lousier as the days go by. my dreams are never to be fulfilled. ever. i looked at myself today. im indeed flawed. =_= i miss the days of freedom. and yet.. i don't.. thinking of all the past mishaps and failures puts me down once again. I've somehow or rather experienced an ephiphany. and seriously my perceptions have changed.. im not who i was anymore. greatly regressing. i cant seem that get things i really want to accomplish successfully in right.. wheres the answers ? who has them. tell me. how to stop this sick cycle of lament and anguish. of absymal negativity.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
the time calls again for another chapter of shawns life .. such stale and humid nights compel me to once again draw out my creative talents as well as cyber articulation into good productive use and entertain my fans out there.
oh well. emotions never get greater..
the colours tend to dull more often nowadays.. one could say im seeing shades of grey daily.
its true about what they say.. feelings are surely potent anthrax designed to bring harm and discomfort.. time and time again i cant help but suffer at the hands of myself..
the past was a lie. i was the forsaken.. sold.
what is wrong now. kindness repayed with selfishness.
who knows ? im biased against myself.
I wish i was blind.
