Tuesday, July 03, 2007
some things i've given serious thought about.
is it possible to love, a person that you've never met, never talked to before, but yet once you see their face , talk for just a blissful 5 minutes, you know you've seen someone special, someone unique. you dote, or at least try your best to get to know her as a good friend. sometimes monetary laws you once strictly upheld are shown the door as you spread your wings of selflessness and benevolent. even if u barely know the person, you'll try to talk, trying to grapple onto each passing minute, for you know time is short. okay even if you've known that person for many years, you'd think you've forged some special bond. is all this crap possible?
yes.
but is it possible that the person, is not interested, or maybe just regards you as an acquaintance (sometimes even after a long period of time), more often than not associating that very conversation, that moment (you treasure so much) as mere chit-chat or an ordinary meeting ? for the record, the latter doesn't know, or (in worst case scenarios) give a damn, that your just trying to be nice. and yet being the blind fool you stumble upon each roadblock with glee, dismissing it for you think you would get what you want in the end. only a fool would do such a thing, no?
yes.
its painful and very unsurprisingly agonising to watch such a scene, less so experiencing one yourself. an unfortunate victim of circumstance? or just terrible EQ. or maybe your bad haircut. or just that maybe you'll never get to meet her, you'll never fit into her social life, you'll never ever cross her mind. disheartening, but as they say, the truth fucking hurts.
but sometimes maybe you wonder whether its your fault.
you blame the insecurities, that indecisiveness, your impulsive behaviour, your bad fashion sense, your physical shortcomings, or the lack of some intelligence and wit in your small bloody head.
a dilemma? you could rightly say so. you struggle to face the facts, and off goes your mood.
you slump into a bog of depression. vertigo and limbo all drawn together in symphonic cacophony.
needless to say this is the problem with unrequited love. agape love. or perhaps a selfless heart. or maybe too much arrogance on my part. even so, there are so many heartaches, but no aspirin thus far, so I'm stuck.
some random rants and thoughts, i know many share the same sentiments. at least i hope so.
today i spent the entire day at home, playing my guitar, bass and drum machine. also played the com, played the ps2, played every playable darn thing. nothing can quench that flame of negativity. it just seeps in. but still as its said, it passes. you have to learn how to deal with situations of such on your own. you could gather help from friends and all but at the end of the day, you decide the way (your life goes).
like the saying goes, end your own troubles where you first started them. you are your own battle.
so zen masterish.haha. but true. i hope i win, cause im going through a quarterlife crisis now. okay maybe not a crisis. just a lil fucked up in the head now.
and tomorrow gotta go camp and have to wake up at 6. bloody hell. back to the monotony of our army.
happy saf day.
