Monday, May 28, 2007
what a month.
the beginning of the month my grandmom passed away. im glad my family has more or less overcomed their grief but it'll take much more than just time to fill in that empty void now.
i must admit i didnt really talk much to you at times but im sure when i did talk to you i would try my best to make you smile or laugh. you'll always be remembered as the strongest, most resilient and patient person i've ever known. rest in peace.
the following weekend to my horror, disappointment and disbelief my beloved bmt platoon mate passed away when a taiwanese plane crashed into an saf camp in taiwan. the saf is responsible for your death. and according to my encek they dnt pay much. no matter money cant push the grief away. my heart goes out to you isz, im sorry to have ridiculed occasionally you last time, you'll still remain a bright spark in my bmt life. you were inspirational in your tenacious and determined work etiquette when it came down to anything, from the washing of clothes to cleaning your rifle or organising something. rest in peace.
the week when i came back to camp as expected there was a shitload of work piled up on my desk. my annual stocktake for my store is coming and if it had not been my completely random check on the computer system, i wouldnt have realise the amount of cockups there are in it, with many errors dating back to the year 2005. thanks previous soldiers for making my life so sweet. thanks to my 2ic did i manage to clear lots of garbage. only can hope the stocktake goes smooth.
den my battalion had an exercise on the nxt week, resulting in me burning away my entire weekend. was supposed to go out with my jc mates and catch the FA cup final. so yeah stuck in camp. it was fun but at the same time just plain time wasting. another fine example of retardedness.
on friday night i had my combat shoot and because of 3 idiots whom didnt take the shoot seriously, i missed out on the chance to be 200bucks richer. my other 2 frens (there are six in a grp, and you'll only pass/do well as a team) were dying to get the badge (which i have alrd) and the money. felt pissed. and because of cockheads i reached home arnd 130am on a friday night. cb.
and its very very disappointing to see that many friends from the past just plain ignore and see right through you like your some piece of transparent bullshit. they glance at you and while your stuck there abt to greet them they turn away and pretend they dont know you. fine you like your present friends now, just remember maybe they'll do the same to you next time.
how bout people that lead you on a path only to desert you and leave you stranded alone ? yeah this mth ive seen plenty of that, in camp and outta camp. you may say hey this is life. i humbly accept that but you could say i was pretty much trying to remain ignorant abt that painful fact. in truth ignorance isnt bliss, ignorance just makes the pain much more unbearable and unforgiving. when you think your complete think again. time and time again life exposes your weakness, inadequacies and vulnerabilities and strips you bare. granted, im not perfect but when you've tried so hard or at least gave it a shot you'll expect some recognition. or some respite at the very minimum. but no you'll just get a fucking slap on your face calling you to wake up.
sucks to see perhaps you'll never fit into that social status, that iconic group, the popular lifestyle, the eyes of that beholder.
im not usually this angsty so i gotta apologise. then again who reads my blog anymore.
something i shld have said a long time ago.
