Wednesday, January 19, 2005
back home earlier today, spent a wonderful 1.5 hours stoning with the art soc losers, i hate it so much. but what to do, i chose this cca and mistakes cant be undone anymore - a lesson i've yet to fully learn..
im really thinking inside my head nowadays
will i go crazy one day
be one of those lunatics at the mental asylum with no one to visit me anymore
because i repress everything
all that torment all that disappointment all that guilt all that emotion. i just cant live through it alone because i've lost the you again many times over and its always my fault..
curse my ignorant soul
and my denial to accept and just do what everyone tells one another '' thats life, we have to go thru it''
my talents are mediocre and i will never succeed in being the best at least once..
my intellect is damned and will never be able to comprehend or create sophistication at its best
my will is too meek and i always want to be accepted, most of the time i always think im accepted but actually im not.
it wears me out
people always think im a depressed individual
or an arrogant fool, using depression as a tool for companionship and popularity. they despise what is actually inherent in the common man, sadness and disappointment, writing poetry to make myself look like the intellectual next door that knows the difference between a cow and an alien.
im not depressed , just disappointed at what i do, and what i dont do sometimes or rather everytime
im saddened not by news of destruction and mass genocide but rather dismayed at the character that trys to burn within me but gets extiguished by waves everyday.
''open your eyes, see how tiny u are'' or so they say
why open your eyes and feel the world
when you close your eyes and find your own world facing an armageddon
why feel and discover and explore and preserve
when the jungles in your heart are being burned down everyday
you may call me shallow, arrogant, foolish
label me a poser of sorts
see me as a loser that cant escape the cage with a red carpet in front of me
i guess i am, but thats the way i am, live with it or go stab yourself with a spoon.. sorry if i offended anyone of you though..
looking and thinking outside of my head, i see that i always infatuate and maybe i'll smile if you do.
